Empowering Nature of a Request

Active Listening Series No. 9

In the late of one September night, Aidan whatsapped me and lamented that he was feeling stressed and exhausted, and regretting  for doing his post-graduate studies as a part-time student.

'What's up?’ I typed into my iPhone.

'I have an assignment, which I need to hand to the University this morning, and am not even midway into it, and now I have to beat the five-hour deadline. It is a struggle every night in the past week, and its effects is felt every morning at work! It is worse than a hangover!', he cried over across the screen.

'This sounds like the experience that you had when you were completing the last assignment, isn't it? How did you manage?’ I return the message.

'Yes! But this is more painful. Maybe, I should throw the towel in the ring.’ he emoticoned in tears and continued, ‘It was into the eleventh hour that I had submitted the last assignment and I had fallen sick after that.'

'This sounds bad,' I empathised and added, 'but how do you feel about the experience?'

'Disempowering! I have to forego everything! My gym sessions! My rest! I practically give up my personal life! I feel imprisoned!', he exclaimed.

'I understand how you feel,' acknowledging his trial and tribulations and added 'But I doubt you have fully exhausted your options?'

'What other options do I have but to meet the deadline?’ he shot back.

'Well, you have not made a request yet', I ventured.

'A request?’ he queried,

'Well, what could you request of the University?’ I asked.

'I could request for an extension?’ he replied.

'Yes.', I followed through.

'But.....!’ he shouted from the other side of the application.

I remained quiet, not wanting to encourage or acknowledge his feelings and emotions.

'But the University will not agree to the request! Besides, I may end up getting less marks', he justified the status-quo.

'Aren't you making a conclusion ahead of the facts?’ I pointed out where he was heading.

'I understand what you mean. I know what I am thinking of is not grounded in reality. What is real is when the Administration comes back informing me of the outcome. That's real', he added.

'Yeah. Your disempowerment is a result of not acting. You need more time but you are not asking. You feel disempowered because you are not in action!', I explained.

You see, we feel constrained much of our lives not because we are really constraint by our circumstances but because we talk ourselves into believing that our world is a constraining one, and our talk keeps us out of action.

 

In this space of inaction, we become truly disempowered. Our inaction activates no one into action and so no one comes to attend to our needs. Since we have not given anyone a chance to help us out of our situation, we also end up disenfranchising those who could act in their own ways to unconstrained us. This is the vicious cycle of disempowerment.

'So, what would you want to do now?’ I asked.

'Well, I think I should give the University a chance to help me. I will write them now and ask for an extension. Then, I am going to sleep. I really need the rest', Aidan proposed.

'Cool! Looks like you have a plan. Okay. It is getting late. I hear from you soon.', and I shut down my apps.

'Thank you.’ the apps notified back as I prepare to sleep.

This article was 1st written on 28 Nov 2012.
Copyright 2012. Anthony Mok. All Rights Reserved.