There were disappointments when I announced in December of 2006 that I would leave the Ministry at the beginning of the following year. Several of my close colleagues had sat me down trying to discourage me and a few had made attempts to find management positions elsewhere in the organisation which I could rotate to. These, I had politely turned down but I am forever indebted to them for their kindness and for standing up for me. I am glad I know such friends after many years of championing change, excellence and transformation in the organisation.
I had struggled at length with the thought of leaving the organisation and this had begun as early as 2005 after a challenging year of working with stakeholders and constituents who were only keen in preserving their personal agendas and current ways at the expense of the organisation's. I would have left then if not for the promises I had made at the start of the transformation which I want to honour. These were only largely fulfilled towards the end of 2006. However, during this period, I was never happy, that's until I understood the distinction between choice and decision.
We cannot be making choices when we are instinctively driven to look at all the options and constantly analyse them for their considerations, justifications and consequences. The option that is finally selected, whether in our opinion is the best one available or the most satisfising, is created out of strict logic and reasoning by examining the differences between costs and payoffs. As rational men, we invest in those schemes with more payoffs. This means, the option that we finally select is seemingly sound and therefore, is pre-determined and predictable.As humans, we want to be satisfied by the knowledge that nothing is forced upon us and we have the power to choose. So, we pretend that we have exercised free will in our selection. However, the reality is that we have allowed falsehood to creep in our minds and we become happy mixing up 'making decisions' with 'making choices'. However, they are never the same.
Thing are done differently in the world of choices. We look at what the world has to offer to us and we just choose. We do not have to account for all the considerations, surface all those justifications, and worry about the consequences. We just do it. In making choice, we do not let our innate need to fulfil our expectations and those of others get in the way.
The realm of making decision is very sinister. As we look at those considerations, justifications and consequences, we are using a substantial amount of our cognitive and emotive energy measuring, assessing, evaluating, and deciding on our options, and then we expect the decision to be good and things will happen as decided. We are conditioned and motivated to expect something good coming out of these efforts. However, while the options we finally narrow down to are predictable, the outcomes are not. Things do not unfold the way we hope they should and there bound to be unexpected events leading us to disappointments, bewilderments and dejections. In these, we face unhappiness but it is never the outcomes that disappoint. Always, it is the expectations that are, and so the misalignment between real and expected outcome becomes the source of our sorrows.
In making a choice, there is no expenditure of energy. Choices are made randomly and we develop the capacity to receive what comes our way. There is no disappointment because we made no effort to calculate and to expect something. Since there are no expectations, there will be no disappointments. Without these, there is no unhappiness because everything is always within the scheme of things.
These insights into making decisions and making choices caused me to seriously rethink about how I struggle with the option of staying and the option of leaving. I finally chose and I officially tendered my resignation at the end of December 2006. I feel free and happy, and everything is always within my expectation because I have none before I left.
This article was 1st written on 5 Jan 2010.
Copyright 2010. Anthony Mok. All Rights Reserved.
