Zero Chance Life

Active Listening Series No. 1

In the course of my work I always will share with people about this thing called active listening and the Zero Chance Life.

A few months ago, I have a new staff joining my organisation and in the course of our ‘getting-to-know-you’ interactions I share these concepts with him.

‘Have you heard of the phrase ‘active listening’ before?’ I asked one day, during one of our interactions.

‘No’, he replied.

‘You want to venture a guess what ‘Active Listening’ may be?’ I encouraged him.

‘Could it be listening attentively? Or being present?’, was his answer as he looked at me waiting for a positive acknowledgement.

‘Hmm….. let me share with you what is not active listening so that you can appreciate what active listening really is.’ I said as I began to draw the following stick men on a piece of paper.

‘You know, when we are in a conversation, this is this piece of the conversation that you can hear and I can also hear. I call this the first conversation.’ I continued as I drew both the red and blue lines between the two stick men.

‘But, there is this other conversation that only you can hear and I cannot, and it takes place during the first conversation.’ And I finished off the diagram by inserting a bubble next to one of the stick man. ‘This is the second conversation.’ I looked at him and wait for a reaction.

I added that ‘The second conversation is a scary conversation.’

He asked ‘Why?’

The second conversation is scary for four simple reasons. Firstly, when one is engaged in the second conversation, he has very limited resources to attend to what is going on in the first conversation. Also, the characteristics of second conversation are evaluative, selective and judgemental. It acts like a screen that sieves out things that are not in congruent with the identity of the individual. Thirdly, this is the source that drives immediate reactions, which manifest as behaviours that are observable. Because the second conversation is so silent, it is very scary. The only relief is when the conversationist unconsciously verbalises and articulates this piece of the conversation to give the other person an insight to what he is thinking. Otherwise, it is totally silent.

‘So, this is what non-active listening is. In active listening, there is no second conversation.’ I concluded.

‘Okay. I hear you. So, what has this got to do with ‘Zero Chance Life’?’ he quipped.

‘Well. Let me tell you a story so that you can understand ‘Zero Chance Life and the Law of 66.66.’ I replied.


Jaime has been working on an idea that could save his company a million dollars. All he needs is just an investment of S$5,000, and he is very confident that he can get that million for the company.

However, Jaime works in an organisation that has an owner who looks and sounds like Donald Trump. In fact people fear Mr Chin, the owner, who tends to scoff at new ideas. Those working in the company prefer to keep their relationship with him formal and distanced. If given a chance, many will leave.

After much consideration, Jaime has mastered enough of courage to take his proposal to Mr Chin. Now he is outside his door.

‘So, do you think Jaime will knock, go in and present the new idea to the owner of the company?’ I asked him after finishing the story.

‘No!’ and that was what I heard.

I shot back with a ‘why?’

And he said ‘It is so simple. He will definitely say no. I have seen people like that. Everything also cannot.’

Here, I began to share with him the ‘Law of 66.66’.

‘May I ask if this is his ‘No’ or your ‘No’?’ I threw this question at him.

‘Mine. But since he is known to turn new ideas down, there will be no difference for this one with Jaime’ he informed.

I told him ‘You mean to say that your ‘No’ is his ‘No’? This cannot be and you know it. Your ‘No’ is a bluff ‘No’. Only when Mr Chin tells Jaime that his new idea has no place in his company, that it is his ‘No’; the real ‘No’. Can you see the difference between the two ‘No’s?’

’Okay. I can see it. I have gotten tricked by my ‘No’. I have replaced this with reality’. He replied.

‘Yes. You have. And may I ask where does this piece of the conversation resides in? Is it in the first or the second conversation?’ I looked at him expectantly waiting for his reply.

He said ‘It is inside the second one. Now I can see the connection between non active listening and the bluff ‘No’. I used my second conversation to conjure up false images that replace the reality.’

‘Yes. You have. And this is the fourth and scariest part of the second conversation. We make meanings out of nothing through our second conversation and causes use to lead a ‘Zero Chance Life’.’ I added.

‘I do not understand this. Could you tell me more?’ He queried.

‘If Jaime went in and presented his new idea, what you think are his chances of getting a negative outcome?’ I continued to ask him.

‘50% chance of a ‘No’ and 50% chance of receiving a ‘Yes’.’ He said.

I added ‘If you add ‘Maybe’, there is a 33.33% chance of a ‘Yes’, 33.33% of a ‘No’, and a 33.33% chance of a ‘Maybe’.’

‘This means from a positive side, Jaime will have a 66.66 chance of getting something positive if he goes into the room and talks about his idea.’ He reached his conclusion.

‘Correct, and it is Zero Chance if he decides not to knock and go in.’ I reinforced.

‘So, by replacing reality with my own story from my second conversation, effectively nothing will happen. So this is Active Listening and the Zero Chance Life!’ I got it.’ He looked at me with a face of enlightenment. ‘But why 66.66? Shouldn’t it be 50% since ‘Maybe’ comes with a ‘Maybe-Yes’ and a ‘Maybe-No’.’

I laughed. ‘True but that is your second conversation in action again.’

'Yes! You are right!' He said and we both laughed.

This article was 1st written on 19 Jul 2008.

Copyright 2008. Anthony Mok. All Rights Reserved.